Wednesday, 30 October 2013


Everyone who knows me well, knows that I am easily stressed out about things which may not seem really important. I wish I had inherited the calmness my father has, to deal with all kinds of situations that don't seem to matter.

I recently had a very severe panic attack. It ended with me hyperventilating until the point that I thought I was dying. Not cool, you guys! All because of stress. Stress of having to do many things at the same time. Stress of having to live up to expectations I couldn't live up to. Stress of not being able to be myself because of other people's ideas of how everyone in a group should behave.

I'm done with that now. I've decided to choose myself for a change. So I am not going to finish my degree this year but will take an extra 6 months. I have decided not to live up to any expectations others have of me. I have expectations of myself which I will try to leave up to, but if I don't live up to expectations of others, that's their problem, not mine. And most of all, I've decided not to conform to any group dynamics I do not agree with. It has caused me to be stalked in the past. Called names by random people on the internet. I've decided not to care anymore. I've decided that if I have something to say, I will say it. I've decided that I'm not going to tiptoe around the truth, afraid to hurt someone's feelings, even though nobody should feel hurt. And when I'm wrong, I won't be afraid to admit that I am wrong.

I have been sleeping much better after deciding this. I've distanced myself from the things that caused me stress. It's already making me feel much happier than I used to be. Contrary to what I used to believe, I don't have to explain myself to anonymous profile pictures on social media.

I feel free now.

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