Sunday, 25 November 2012


You know that moment you watch the news and hear about something horrible that happened? And you think, well if I was there, I would have done things differently. I would have just given him the money or I would have just ran away. I was like that. I was like that until I was put into a threatening situation. All the things I ever said I would do did not happen.

While I was at work, near closing time, a man who stole money from the top floor and was on the run, stabbed a co-worker who tried to stop him. I walked around the corner the moment all panic broke out. People started running away, screaming. I could hear someone cry hysterically. I tried to find out what happened and little by little a story came together. The victim was sat down near my workplace, holding his side. The police came shortly after. It was one big mess.
There was one thing that surprised me. I'm a person who panicks easily. I have had some panic attacks in the past. I didn't panic now. I was in a truly dangerous situation and my mind just went blank. There were no thoughts of running away, no thoughts of panicking. I knew I couldn't. I just had to fight. I had to help. There was a rush of adrenalin running through my veins. I helped a few customers with a fake smile on my face. I tried to act normal. People kept trying to see what was going on, as if it was some sort of circus act. We did what we could. Tried to block the view, keep things normal and assist the police where we could. The ambulance came, the victim was taken away and it wasn't until I saw him on the stretcher, with a heart monitor and all that shit, that I realised how serious it really was. He had been so brave sitting there, waiting until the ambulance came.

The police marked the chocolate department as the crime scene. The doors were closed, the lights dimmed and I suddenly started shaking. It all seemed to be a bad film. Unreal.

Police offered us victim support but I refused. I didn't see it happen so I didn't feel like I needed it. The next day when I arrived at work I was taken upstairs along with the other people present the night before. They insisted on victim support and I'm glad it happened. We all got to tell our side of the story and how we experienced it. It bonded us. At first we were all people working on different floors with barely any interaction at all. Now, we were all in the same boat. It helped to talk and it helped to know that the fear will go away. It's a natural response of the body. I'm now still wary in the dark, suspicious of strangers. I hope that that will become less overtime.

You don't really realise how fragile life is until you see someone you know fight for his. It can all be over in a split second. It made me value life more. It really made me realise to enjoy the little things. We live in a fucked up world. Nobody is safe. We shouldn't let fear take over. Because even though it's fragile, life is too precious to just let go without a fight.

Sunday, 18 November 2012


Darling, if you must shatter
Fall apart into my arms
So I can hold and keep the pieces
Of your fragile broken heart

Lover, if you must leave me
Leave me when I'm asleep
So I wake up knowing nothing
Then the knife won't cut as deep

Baby, we've been fools before
But never as clueless as this
So glance at me one last time
And say goodbye with just a kiss

Tomorrow will be better
Tomorrow things will change
But today we're broken
Today we're only strangers

(c) 2012

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Dear Future Me,

How are you, you sexy bitch?  It's been a while huh? Remember me, the 21-year old version of you? I bet you do. I guess gravity is no longer your friend. By now your boobs are hanging somewhere down your knees and your face will look like a warzone. No, I bet all those creams you've been smearing all over your face for the past few years haven't had the effect they promised. I suggest you sue the companies who made them. Bastards.

I hope that you've made your dreams come true. I know you've had a lot of them when you were my age. Hopes and dreams of better tomorrows. A chance to escape the past and become someone. Change the world. Or at least change someone's life for the better. I hope that by now you live in a nice house with a sexy guy who looks like a younger Gerard Butler. I hope you have that dog you named Barney Banana, which is perfectly raised and trained because your surprise touches put Cesar Millan to shame. You're the dog whisperer baby! But most of all, I hope you're happy.
I know the road's been tough. Believe me, I've been through it all with you right from the beginning. And I know the wounds won't heal that easily. They hurt like real bitches. But just remember that even when the road is pitch-black and you feel like you're in some sort of horror film and your friends thought it a good idea to split up, know that there is a chance you won't get hit by an axe in the head. Unless you're Paris Hilton. Oh wait, you probably won't know who that is anymore. Forget about it!

You've made mistakes. That's alright. You loved and let go. As you do. Just remember that the tears you've shed in the past and made you look like a panda, they will dry too! You'll be happy. Just give those overly-excited thoughts in your head some rest. Relax, chill out. Don't panic! Do not have panic attacks in irrelevant situations. You might accidentally step on a puppy. That is socially unacceptable. Just release the inner Bob Marley in you. Because guess what, it all turned out to be quite alright, didn't it?

How bad can it really be? I mean, unless you're a serial killer with her own line of action figures, I don't see anything you have to worry about. Just smile. And yeah, it's fine if you feel like shit once in a while. Everyone does. Just drop that mask, grab some ice cream and let it all out. You're heart will get broken more than once. Stamped on and crushed into a million pieces. Don't worry, nothing good glue can't fix. You just have to believe in yourself. Stop trying to be perfect at everything you do. You're not, and you won't ever be perfect, bitch! Just enjoy the now, live in the moment and never stop believing. Yes, I know about the horrible things people have said in the past. Don't worry, they live under a bridge now. Or they are married to a horrible spouse. Or they're in jail. Or all three combined. Shit happens.

What I'm trying to say is, choose your own happiness. Don't give a shit about what others might say. Do what makes you happy. Think about all the awesome people you've met along the way, the cool things you've done and how happy you felt doing exactly what you love. When you were me, you had potential. You were a star but the world just didn't see you shine yet. When you read this again, I better fucking hope you've accomplished something. I hope you let yourself shine for a change. Because only you can make the change. Nobody else can. This is getting all shades of melo-dramatic again and I think I should stop now.

See you in another 10 years!




Note: I wrote this because I'm currently going through some shit and I always find writing helps me deal with it. I have many dreams and wishes I hope I will accomplish in the future. This is my way of reminding myself to change. To become a better person. To be proud of myself. This is in no way an attempt to be vain or whatever. Why am I even writing a footnote? Oh look! A giraffe!

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Thank you America.

We live in a world where we are defined by our differences. We look, not at what is the same, but at what makes us feel superior over others. Children are raised by their parents to hate certain people or groups, people hold on to what they think is right and even kill to prove others are wrong. We're blind. Blinded by our own beliefs. We believe we all own the truth but the truth is nothing but our imagination.

It shouldn't matter that we are all different. It shouldn't matter that we have different skin colours, or that we believe in different Gods or in no God at all. We all live under the same sun. If we all open our eyes and face the same direction, we can walk towards a better tomorrow. We will all be able to chose who we love and follow our dreams. If we imagine a world where we won't be consumed by hatred, but where we can all stand side by side, we can change things. We can change the world if we all stand together.

We will all face heartbreak at some point. We will all go through tough moments which make us feel like all hope is lost. But we can make it through because in the end, we will only become stronger.

Thank you America for choosing freedom. For allowing people to love the person who owns their heart, regardless of gender. For allowing people to be able to live their life without the need to be rich. Thank you for choosing change.

As Obama said:

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Let's make things better. 

Monday, 5 November 2012

Inspiring shit: Let's pretend this never happened

You know, I am not a normal person. At least that's what most people say. Opinions are always different and range from "Omg, you're awesome" to "Bitch, please disappear." That's fine. You can't win them all. Or can you? In any case, people always agree on the fact that I am not normal. But being normal is boring anyway and should be forbidden by law.

Being weird has led me to enjoy people who are equally strange. And that is why I always enjoyed reading the Bloggess. I mean the blog of course. If you haven't checked it out yet, do so!

In April this year, The Bloggess, or Jenny Lawson as she's really called, published a book called "Let's pretend this never happened". I wanted to read it back then, but in ma country, it wasn't released yet and so I had to wait centuries until I got it for my birthday. I immediately started reading it and I have never laughed this much about a book in my life. She's honest, funny and shows that there is nothing wrong with being weird or strange. It has actually taught me a lot about myself and about others. We all have our flaws. We all make mistakes. But instead of judging others by these faults, we should embrace them and celebrate our differences.

2 quotes that really struck me:

“You should just accept who you are, flaws and all, because if you try to be someone you aren't, then eventually some turkey is going to shit all over your well-crafted facade, so you might as well save yourself the effort and enjoy your zombie books.” 

“I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me "weird" and "different," were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.”  

I have started to feel more comfortable about myself in the past few months. This book was even more of an eye-opener. It made me want to go out into the world and celebrate my weirdness. It made me proud of who I was, even though I am everything but perfect. And I have accepted the fact that not everyone can and will like you, and that they will talk badly about you. But that's no longer my problem. I'm proud of who I am and everyone should be. This book has given me the desire to be free again. I feel like running outside and throwing glitter at random people. I bet bitches would love that.

In conclusion, if you're strange and you feel like you're alone, read this book. You know what, just read this book anyway. It will make you laugh and it will make you feel better. And don't forget to check out  Weirdoes unite!