Saturday, 31 August 2013

Why being an adult is overrated

“Grown-ups don't look like grown-ups on the inside either. Outside, they're big and thoughtless and they always know what they're doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. Truth is, there aren't any grown-ups. Not one, in the whole wide world.”
Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

I remember when I was a little girl and I looked at grown-ups in admiration. Grown-ups could do whatever they want. They had the freedom to go places and experience things, while I as a young child was relying on my parents to take me somewhere. I wanted to be grown-up. I wanted to have the freedom. It could not happen soon enough.

I'm about to turn 22 in little more than a month and quite frankly, I don't really want to grow up anymore. I underestimated the responsibilities that adults have.I look at people who are my age now. Some have bought a house, they work and do their duties. They pretend to know what it is like to be an adult but most of the time they are just doing what they think is right because others have told them it is the right thing to do. Grown-ups are still scared of big decisions, there is just no one holding your hand and telling you it is okay to be scared. It isn't okay to be scared in the world we live in today. Everything has to be fast-paced. There is no space to dream, or hope. When you're an adult, you are a part of the system and you have to follow the rules. There is no room for something as absurd as imagination.

“Adults follow paths. Children explore. Adults are content to walk the same way, hundreds of times, or thousands; perhaps it never occurs to adults to step off the paths, to creep beneath rhododendrons, to find the spaces between fences.” 
- Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

I now see that no one has as much freedom as a child has. I long to go back to those days of running around in a corn field, playing games and really just living. The older I get, the more I wish I had cherished those times when I still had them. But I was a kid, what does a kid know?
It saddens me to see that kids these days barely go out anymore to explore the world. They are glued to their smartphones, something I never had as a kid. I went out and discovered the world through my own eyes and interpreted things through my own imagination. The imagination of a child is a beautiful thing. My little niece for example, she believes she is a princess. A superhero at times too. It is wonderful to see that she can live in these fantasies and not worrying about what is yet to come. No peer pressure, no responsibilities. Just being a child. She doesn't realise how lucky she is.

I guess there is nothing wrong with being a child at heart when you're supposed to be grown-up. Do we ever know what we're doing really? It is sad that most adults lose the ability to dream and imagine things just because they feel like they shouldn't. That is something kids do. But there is no such a thing as an adult. We're all kids at heart.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

This is the most beautiful thing you will see today...

This is the story of a 96-year old man who entered a songwriting contest with a song he wrote about his wife Lorraine. Lorraine had died only 2 months prior to him sending in his lyrics, after having spent 75 years together.

A beautiful story and I just had to share it with you all because it made me tear up and I'm sure it will make you cry too. Don't we all want a love like this?

My dog: the paradox

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Second Chances

So, I wrote this song a few weeks ago inspired by a friend. We all know love can be a bitch sometimes. I've been writing more lyrics lately and even though I'm not that good at it yet, I hope you will enjoy these.

Your whispers are fading.
So is the lingering of your smell.
I thought I had erased you from my mind
but I'm still wondering if you're doing well
See the tides are rising but I predict a fall.
If you look back at all we've said and done,
can you say you ever really cared at all?

I laid my heart on the line.
Heartbeats frozen in time.
But then you went away
and you never came back for me.
What am I supposed to do
When everything reminds me of you?


I just want you to know
How it feels to be broken.
Cut open
and fallen on your knees
A mind never at ease
All these dead-end romances
Won't lead you to second chances

I imagined you back in my life
But even if I try it doesn't feel right
Right when I gave up the fight
When I found out (s)he was by your side.
Like the darkness of the night
You came and stole my light away
Hey hey

I laid my heart on the line
But we were running out of time
Yes you went away
But I don't want you to come back for me
You gave me heaven then you gave me hell
Now what's the story you're gonna tell?


I just want you to know
How it feels to be broken.
Cut open
and fallen on your knees
A mind never at ease
All these dead-end romances
Won't lead you to second chances

Oooh we could have everything
But tears won't heal
the wounds you've inflicted on me
Just keep running, keep running
No second chances


I just want you to know
How it feels to be broken.
Cut open
and fallen on your knees
A mind never at ease
All these dead-end romances
Won't lead you to second chances

Monday, 26 August 2013

Dear Miley,


Come in please. This is an intervention.

No. Don't walk away. It is important. You see, we care about you Miles. We want you to be the best version of you that you can possibly be. And we're worried about you. Yes I know you said that you couldn't be tamed, but at least you still wore clothes back then.

We see what you're trying to do Miley. You're trying to be sexy. You're trying to unleash that inner sex goddess that has been locked up ever since your Hannah Montana days (even though you were underaged back then) but things have got a little out of hand, baby.

It all started with your tongue. It appeared your tongue refused to get back in your mouth. That could be a possible serious condition which would be perfect for an episode of 'Embarrassing Bodies.' Tongues wanting to escape are serious issues nowadays. You could get parched. You could catch flies. Who knows what else you will catch?

So please, Miles, put it back in. At least try it. Not for us, but for yourself!

Another problem is your twerking, Miley. Generally girls without asses cannot and should not want to twerk. Especially not in combination with an older dude who happens to be married and your tongue hanging out once again.

I understand it is hard to control yourself when it comes to grinding your ass against innocent people, but let's make a deal, okay? You can go back to twerking when you grow an ass that big it will make Nicki Minaj jealous. And don't cheat by getting it done by a nice doctor.

Miley, there is a fine line between being sexual and controversial and being disgusting and embarrassing. I know it hurts but your performance at the VMAs falls in the last category. We are pretty sure parents around the world gasped in horror as their children started grinding the dog after seeing you doing that to Mr. Thicke. If even Rihanna thinks this:

is not cool, you know you have a problem.

Basically you made everybody feel very uncomfortable.

Oh Miley...

Don't cry!

We're not trying to hurt you! We are just saying that maybe you've made the wrong decision with this performance. And the We Can't Stop Video. And basically the past year. But really, it is not too late to stop all this. You don't have to end as Amanda Bynes! Don't make the mistake of thinking that rebelling against your parents and the rest of the world means that you have to basically destroy yourself until you end up in a ditch somewhere.

Remember, you can have the best of both worlds!

Please don't be cheap Miley. Find that class back! Or else we might have to call Dr. don't want that...


The World.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Awkward Train Conversations

Hello my darlings!

Today I would like to enlighten you with a post about a hobby of mine; eavesdropping conversations on trains. I justify this by saying I like to observe and analyse people to use in stories I write, but in reality I just enjoy listening to people's conversations because it appears as though people think trains are private enough to discuss your entire life. Preferably whatever crazy things happened last weekend.

My all-time favourite conversation was one of a girl who told her friend all about this new guy she met. Because she was obviously very pretty and amazing and he was basically an ordinary human being who should have been happy to even be allowed in her presence. I pretended to be very interested in my book as they spoke. We shall call one chick Shirley and her friend Betty. Why? Because I can.

Shirley: "So like, I went to Mark's house last week."
Betty: "Omg really? What was it like?"
Shirley: "Well, he still lives with his parents."
Betty: "Ew"
Shirley: "But you know what?"
Betty: "What?"
Shirley: "They had a lift."
Betty: "Shut up! In their house?"
Shirley: "Yeah! I know right! So like we went to his room using the lift and he had like this really big room with his own home cinema."
Betty: "Omg, that is so cool!"
Shirley: "Yeah and then we like, just sat on his bed and he told me he loved me. And I was like, yeah but I'm not really sure."
Betty: "But he has a lift! And a home cinema!"
Shirley: "I know right, but he is like totally annoying. Anyways, so I was playing a hockey match a week later and suddenly he turned up."
Betty: "No way!"
Shirley: "Yes way! And I was like, listen Mark, I like, can't be with you okay."
Betty: "What did he say?"
Shirley: "He started crying. Saying he loved me."
Betty: "Ugh, why does that ALWAYS happen to you?"
Shirley: "I know. Anyways, we're done now."

I'm sorry but I would think someone was instantly cooler if they had a lift in their house. But that is just me. I would just go up and down the lift all day until someone kicked me out.

A more recent conversation happened between two girls who were about 15/16 years old. I instantly recognised them as One Direction fans. Not because I have a sixth sense for identifying 1D fans, but because one of them carried a giant Harry Styles cutout around. Kinda gave it away. Anyways, these girls gave some great insight in what it is like to be a teenager in these tough times. We shall call these girls La'toya and La'teesha.

La'toya: "I can't believe she hasn't done anything with him yet."
La'teesha: "I know, I mean, come on, he likes her, she likes him. Just you know, do it already."
La'toya: "That's what I told her, okay, I told her, girl you are 16. It's about time you have sex, ok?"
La'teesha: "Yeah, omg, I can't believe her."
La'toya: "He is an asshole though. Did you know what he said about One Direction?"
La'teesha: "No? What?"
La'toya: "He said they were gay. And I was like, they are so not gay and he said well how do you know and I said, uh because I know EVERYTHING about one direction."
La'teesha: "Omg"
La'toya: "I know, and then I said, even if they are gay, they are still about a million times cooler than you are!"
La'teesha: "You tell 'em!"

The rest of the conversation was not really that interesting (well it was entertaining but I am too lazy to type it all out).

I do have the best advice ever if you want to find out if people are the kind who eavesdrop on conversations. Preferably sit in one of those trains which have lots of open spaces. Wait until you hear some conversations going or people being pre-occupied with their phones. Engage in a conversation with whoever is with you (if you say this to yourself it is just awkward), then drop the word "virginity" somewhere in your conversation. Watch how everybody becomes silent, nobody turns pages of books anymore, you see people looking at you and quickly look away when you look back. I tried it. It works. It is especially funny when someone was about to eat something and then nearly chokes.

Anyways, that was it for today. I hope that I will be able to entertain you again soon with another blogpost. Until then,


Sunday, 18 August 2013

Happy birthday Mika!

Dear Mika,

Today is a very special day, as today is the day that you are turning 30! Man, you're getting old! Just kidding, you are still super young and awesome.

It's funny how time has flown by. I remember when you were only just 23 years old and I first saw you grace my television screen and I knew that you were something special. Last Sunday during the party we organised for you, I even spoke with Ally about it and said I couldn't believe you were already 30 and she said "I know! I remember when he was 21!"

Not many people understand why after all those years I still faithfully go to your gigs and listen to your music, but they have no idea about who you are or about the special relationship you have with those who often come to your gigs and speak to you. It's more than just a fan-popstar relationship. You are an extremely generous person and your actions continuously show that it's not just us who care about you. You really care about us too. It's what makes me proud to be your fan and I hope you'll never change.

You deserve every success that is coming your way. Know that even when times are rough, you'll have a loyal base of people who will support you no matter what choices you make. We might not agree with them all the time, but hey, we'll always have your back! I hope that you'll enjoy all the cake and champagne and gifts you'll receive and that soon you will sit your ass down on your very own seat in the Royal Opera House.

Thank you for all the wonderful memories. Thank you for all the lovely people I've met thanks to you. But most of all, thank you for being you. You are one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever met and I hope that the future will bring many more special moments and success for you.

Happy birthday!



Saturday, 17 August 2013

The day I met Neil Gaiman

Summer 2010. I spent a week in the UK and one of my favourite things to do whilst in Britain is to visit bookstores. So I did. I remember I walked to the fantasy section and at the bottom shelves I found interesting looking books. Black covers with shiny letterings and a single shining illustration. A rat. A butterfly. Neil Gaiman was the name of the author. It vaguely rang a bell in the back of my mind. I picked up the books with the rat and the butterfly and bought them.
A few days later I was at the airport and I picked up the book with the interesting title Neverwhere. From the first page on I was sucked into the story and reluctantly closed the book as I had to board the plane. It barely ever occurred to me that a story got such a grip on me right from the start.
After that I bought nearly all of Neil Gaiman's books and every single one of them has a special meaning to me. Some more than others, but I was always amazed by the craftmanship and his way with words. Neverwhere had always been my favourite, up until I read his latest novel The Ocean at the end of the lane. It made me cry and it brought back memories of my own childhood and the way I had always hoped it to be different.

Fast forward 3 years. The Polare Store in Rotterdam. A large crowd had gathered in a small room and everyone was very excited that their favourite author was going to be right in front of them in just a short matter of time. I was amazed at the diversity of the crowd. Young, old, Dutch, American. It did not seem to matter who you were or where you came from. Some had been there ever since the early Sandman days and others, like myself, had been hooked later on.

A little while later, Neil Gaiman took the stage. There was a round of applause and the interview started. Neil was funny and witty. Sometimes he was serious but mostly he was joking and the audience loved it. Even my skeptical friend Renate thought he was very charming and funny.

It was then announced that he was going to sign books and as he was taken to the table, everybody got up and just kind of tried to get as close to the front as possible. I personally would have preferred a more organised way of handling this, but you know, no complaining here. I had left my own English copy of Ocean at home and had bought a sparkly Dutch version, because sparkly things are always better. I also brought my copy of Neverwhere, the book that had started everything. I knew Renate did not have a book to get signed, and a friend of mine from Barbados is a huge fan, so I decided to buy another copy of Stardust and have Renate sign it for Nas. Just spreading the Gaiman love!

It wasn't long before we managed to get rather close to the queue. I had read up on stories of signings in other countries and compared to 2500 people, 150 is not that bad. It was nice watching other people interact with him and I noticed most were rather shy. I was a bit shy too initially, but I wanted to thank him for the great stories he wrote.
First Renate met him, and she told him how funny he was. Suffice to say he gained a new fan yesterday. Then it was my turn. He asked how I was, the usual and then I said "I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but I just wanted to thank you for your stories." He thanked me and said it wasn't cheesy at all. We spoke a bit more about it and he said he thought that signings were usually an excuse for people to say thank you, but it is much easier to just give someone a book to sign than to actually say thank you. Which is true. I'm sure that all the people in the queue wanted to thank him for the stories which changed their lives or affected them in one way or another, but many were just a bit shy or intimidated about the fact that the author of those stories was right in front of them.
He then asked me if I was a writer myself. I said I try to be. I'm still in the process of getting better and until I reach that point where I think I'm good enough, I don't want to say I'm a writer. I aspire to be though. He then told me to keep writing. That meant a lot to me. Family and friends tell me all the time, it's everywhere on the internet, but it doesn't really mean as much as when someone whose work you admire tells you to keep going.
He thanked me for coming and we shook hands. Renate was a complete fangirl at this point ("He was so funny!" "I talked to him and he looked at me!"). I was a little more quiet but inside I found this new motivation to follow my passion of writing. It doesn't matter if I'm not the best out there. I'm still learning and every new story is a better one than the story before that. I know that writing is something that makes me happy and I know that I have many stories in me that have to be told.

Renate promised to read the Ocean as soon as possible. There is a very happy girl in Barbados who is freaking out about the fact that Neil Gaiman wrote her name in a book.

 As for me, once I finish this blog post, I will start working on some new stories.

Thanks again for inspiring me, Mr. Gaiman. I guess there are no words to descibe how much it all meant to me.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

ERIKA - Onna Bugeisha

 Basically this post was supposed to be posted about a million years ago, but the laptop I was using lost the ability to produce the a and it would be very weird if this post was a-less. Plus the exclamation marks did not work and that is just awkward even though it is totally uncool to use exclamation marks! Whatever. Let's just move on.

I recently posted a tweet saying I was tired of all those mindless party songs. Don't get me wrong, I love some good pop tunes and sometimes I do like to sing along to songs as profound as a lego brick. Yet lately it seems like almost all music released is about partying (*cough Kesha*) or about snorting coke in the bathroom (Miley, I'm talking to you). These songs are great when you're going nuts on the dancefloor in some dodgy club, with everyone's sweat on you and you just don't care. It's just not something you listen to when youare just chilling at home and are in some sort of profound mood of profoundness and want to listen to songs which actually have meaning. Lyrics which you can quote and post in facebook statuses to make everybody appreciate your understanding of life. Or whatever.

One artist who does know how to write good songs with a deeper meaning is the wonderful Erika. As mentioned before on this fabulous blog, she used to sing for Mika, but is now carving her own path to stardom with her new ep entitled Onna Bugeisha.

The EP contains 5 songs. Wonderful, The Show, Touch me, Junkie and Maybe. I'm not good at describing songs and I feel like everybody should experience listening to a song themselves before judging, but I have to say that Erika's voice is sublime. She has proven to have a far more powerful voice than the majority of female singers out there. I must admit, even though her previous EP was good, I think she has made much more progress this time and I can't say there is a song that I don't like. I believe her when she sings, which is a must for me in order to be supportive of a singer.

I suggest you buy and download the EP as soon as you possibly can because you do not want to miss out on this.

Watch her video for Touch Me (I Won't Break) below:

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Mika's birthday party in Colmar

Right, I promised to write a report. I don't usually do that for a variety of reasons but I felt like I had to do it now. If I start talking jibberish, blame the lack of sleep. After I finish this I will go back to sleeping for an eternity.

How did the party come to be

I remember looking at the calendar for upcoming events and noticed Colmar was the only gig before his birthday (this was before Switzerland was announced). I thought it would be cool to do something with it, as it would be his 30th birthday and you only become a dinosaur once (just kiiidding).
I immediately contacted Deb and she suggested it to team M who thought it was a good idea. At that point only 16 people had RSVP'ed so I suggested to get Mikawebsite involved and I emailed the lovely Bea who was very helpful.

Fast forward a couple of months. It was very uncertain whether or not the party was going to happen. Also we had no clue how many people were going to be allowed in. The rsvp list on MFC was 35 at this point. We decided to come prepared so we had ordered a cake, bought everything we needed and just hoped for the best.

The day before the gig

The day before the gig we still hadn't heard if we had the ok. I picked up Luke and Laura from the airport and we drove to the wholesale to buy wine, soda and a bottle of champagne for Mika. Somehow we managed to get all the stuff in the back of my tiny car. Kudos to Laura.
We drove to Dusseldorf to pick up Niko and continued our long journey to Miri's place where we arrived a little later than planned due to a shitload of traffic jams.
We went out for dinner and I got very nervous as I still hadn't heard a thing and I wasn't looking forward to having to down 12 bottles of wine. We went back to Miri's house, chilled out and then I got a dm from Deb that team M would contact me that night. I was insanely happy that finally we'd hear something. It was around 23.00 when I got that dm. Around 2 am I finally got the email. It was going to go ahead. 35 people only.
We were happy it was going to happen but I was a bit worried as there were the French sites who had members going as well. But as this was something organised by MFC, we had to give MFCers priority at that point.
We went to sleep, not knowing what the day would bring.

Gig day

We woke up, got ready and went to the bakery to pick up the cake. Laura had made cupcakes and we had no idea if we could store them anywhere so we just hoped for the best. We arrived in Colmar in the afternoon but were told that once we were in the festival, we couldn't go out. We decided to buy tickets just for the fair so we could go in and hand out wristbands.

That's when the drama started. No more than 35 people were allowed in. In no time we were surrounded by people begging and pleading for a wristband even though they were not on the list. I found it difficult to say no as I wanted everybody to be happy, but we had strict rules to follow. This lead to us being abused in real life but also online, mostly by people who weren't even at the festival. I understood the anger and disappointment but we had to draw a line at that point and if we had given out the leftover wristbands to 2 people, then another 8 would be upset. People made it seem like we purposely tried to leave them out, but trust me, this is not true. I really wanted as many people to go in as possible.

After we had given out the wristbands, we went for drinks and food and I tried to explain to people on twitter why things were going the way they were but nobody would listen. I decided to save my battery as it was nearly dead and I still had to wait for a call.

We left the festival at around 6 to go back to the car. I had had an email that said they would arrive at around 20.00. Mika then tweeted the picture of his pick-up and we knew he was on his way. We killed time by making lame videos and taking weird pictures and at around 9 I finally got a call.

We were asked to come to the backstage area but apparently there was more than 1. There wasn't much time as Mika was about to go on and the security did not understand English or our lame French so my contactperson had to get someone who spoke French to convince him to let us in. At last she came out and because we weren't allowed to drive the car inside the venue, we had to carry everything we had to the backstage area.

Miri and I had about 10 minutes to set everything up. There was a lovely security guy who helped us out so everything went smoothly. I don't think I've ever been this fast in organising anything. Right before the show started, we were done and the security brought us to the show after kindly giving us some water.

I loved the show as usual and he really was on fire, but as there was so much we had to deal with I couldn't enjoy it as much as I usually do. We were very surprised when he did a little bit of Overrated, even if it might have been the band who initiated it.

After the show

STRESS! There was confusion about where we had to go, people without wristbands still tried to get us in, I got a phone call saying ONLY 35 PEOPLE AND WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? It was very stressful. Eventually we managed to get everybody with a wristband in. We explained what was going to happen and we explained the rules. Stay seated. No following around. First one who does that will get kicked out. Everybody agreed to it and we handed out wine and cupcakes.

Team M wanted to speak to me then and she said there were about 40 MFCers outside who were very sad and she felt sorry for them and what my take on it was. Could she let them in or would I feel more comfortable if not. I said they could all come in as long as they behaved and that we did not have enough cupcakes. So all the people who waited got in and it was a relief for me as I had had to deal with so much shit at that point, I just wanted it all to be sorted.
I was told 2 minutes until Mika came down. I explained the rules to everybody once again and told them we would sing happy birthday when he walked in. Not much later he did and when we started singing happy birthday he looked very happy and slightly emotional.

Fanny filmed this lovely video of the party:

Basically I had no time to sit down. It was my job to take pictures and to help with crowd control and basically any other things that needed to be done. I kept running around and barely had time to drink and also had to beg for a piece of cake to be kept aside. Luckily everyone behaved. Thank you so much for that. It made the job much easier and I just loved watching him interact with everybody and be happy.
I have uploaded quite a few pictures here: if there are any you would like to have any in full size, let me know.

When he arrived at our table and was told we had organised it, he jokingly said: "Ah the table of troublemakers!" He also called us his ringleaders. I just forgot to bring my whip!

Every table was supposed to get a picture but due to the fact that we were running out of time, it was decided we'd do a massive group picture. I was asked if I wanted to be on it, but I said it was ok and that I'd take the pictures instead because I prefered to be on the sideline for a change. After the group pictures were taken, Mika moved on and everybody else was hanging around until they were kicked out.

Miri and I got to have a picture with Mika alone and Miri got Mika to write "Live Your Life" as she wants to get a tattoo of it. He then grabbed my shoulder and rubbed it gently whilst saying "Thank you so much. I really appreciate this."

The last people left the building and we were left with our little group and the 2 American girls. We handed out the leftover wine bottles to Max and Ed who had just walked in and also to the security guard. Joy came out a little while later and we spoke a little with her and gave her a bottle as well. We then left the backstage area, accompanied by our personal security guard.

It ended as a great day even though I had to go through quite some shit to make it happen. I am very happy so many people got in and I'm sorry for those who didn't in the end. Also thank you to everyone who made this party possible. You know who you are and you know how grateful I am ;).

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Let you go.

Goodnight my lover
Hope life will treat you well
As I sit here and ponder
How I can get out
From under your spell.
All of our laughter,
Still echoes in my head.
I try to break the chain of memories.
Trying to erase all that was said.

It seems like only yesterday
That you whispered you'd never go away.
What changed?

There's happiness in the pain
Knowing that you were here one day
There's no one who can replace,
the feelings I had when I first saw your face.
Now there's only one thing left to do,
'Cause every heartbeat reminds me of you.
I wish I could let you go.
But I guess that I'll miss you so.

My heart's a stray.
I didn't want to give it away.
But then you came,
And I had to surrender.
But now I know how these things go.
You give up everything you are,
For fleeting moments and burning scars.

It seems like only yesterday
That you slowly started to fade away.
Will it change?

There's happiness in the pain
Knowing that you were here one day
There's no one who can replace,
the feelings I had when I first saw your face.
Now there's only one thing left to do,
'Cause every heartbeat reminds me of you.
I wish I could let you go.
But I guess that I'll miss you so.

And the tears will taste the same.
I hope that I'll see you again.


Friday, 2 August 2013


At the moment I am faced with making some serious choices and I feel confused and lost and my mind is like "woaaaah guuurl, make up your mind!" but I can't because...well...I don't know. This felt appropriate. Anyways...I will go back to writing proper posts soon!