Monday, 26 August 2013

Dear Miley,


Come in please. This is an intervention.

No. Don't walk away. It is important. You see, we care about you Miles. We want you to be the best version of you that you can possibly be. And we're worried about you. Yes I know you said that you couldn't be tamed, but at least you still wore clothes back then.

We see what you're trying to do Miley. You're trying to be sexy. You're trying to unleash that inner sex goddess that has been locked up ever since your Hannah Montana days (even though you were underaged back then) but things have got a little out of hand, baby.

It all started with your tongue. It appeared your tongue refused to get back in your mouth. That could be a possible serious condition which would be perfect for an episode of 'Embarrassing Bodies.' Tongues wanting to escape are serious issues nowadays. You could get parched. You could catch flies. Who knows what else you will catch?

So please, Miles, put it back in. At least try it. Not for us, but for yourself!

Another problem is your twerking, Miley. Generally girls without asses cannot and should not want to twerk. Especially not in combination with an older dude who happens to be married and your tongue hanging out once again.

I understand it is hard to control yourself when it comes to grinding your ass against innocent people, but let's make a deal, okay? You can go back to twerking when you grow an ass that big it will make Nicki Minaj jealous. And don't cheat by getting it done by a nice doctor.

Miley, there is a fine line between being sexual and controversial and being disgusting and embarrassing. I know it hurts but your performance at the VMAs falls in the last category. We are pretty sure parents around the world gasped in horror as their children started grinding the dog after seeing you doing that to Mr. Thicke. If even Rihanna thinks this:

is not cool, you know you have a problem.

Basically you made everybody feel very uncomfortable.

Oh Miley...

Don't cry!

We're not trying to hurt you! We are just saying that maybe you've made the wrong decision with this performance. And the We Can't Stop Video. And basically the past year. But really, it is not too late to stop all this. You don't have to end as Amanda Bynes! Don't make the mistake of thinking that rebelling against your parents and the rest of the world means that you have to basically destroy yourself until you end up in a ditch somewhere.

Remember, you can have the best of both worlds!

Please don't be cheap Miley. Find that class back! Or else we might have to call Dr. don't want that...


The World.

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