If you're wondering where I've been the past days, I was in the sewer with Britney and a bunch of half-naked individuals dancing until the world would end. Which did not happen. Obviously. All those days of watching Doomsday Preppers on Discovery Channel were in vain. I was expecting zombies and aliens and unicorns to commence a big war whilst flames of hell embraced us and burned us to the ground. I was expecting Jesus to appear and be like: "Dudes, told ya I was coming back. Here's your last supper, bitches!" And then he would totally throw soja beans at random people because I imagine Jesus to be a vegetarian bad-ass.
All of that did not happen. The only thing I've learned from this is how to make Chicken Piri Piri and keep it edible for 20 years. I know how to design kick-ass costumes that will make me disappear in every landscape. Which would be brilliant, if only landscapes would stay the same. I imagine if I changed my super awesome costume, the aliens would come and find me anyway and I'd be dead. Unless I'm in a snowy landscape, then I'm fine as I'm pretty fucking pale. But then I'd probably freeze to death.
Let's face it, the Mayans were probably some lazy ass bastards. Like me, they probably start these projects and then halfway they thought "Fuck, this shit takes too much time. You know what we should do instead? Sacrifice a virgin! YAY!" I don't sacrifice virgins though. Too bloody. I just give up and do something else.
Anyways, the Mayans were lazy or just liked a good practical joke. I bet they're up their in Maya Heaven laughing their asses off at us morons. We made such a big deal out of this shit and some even believed it was going to happen. I can assure you Britney was very disappointed after grinding hot men in the sewer all day for nothing!
So, we're still here and as I suck at sending Christmas cards, this one is for all of you. Because I love you so much.
Merry Christmas bitches!