The sexualisation of women

Today while I was attempting to write my essay on the novel Disgrace, I heard my brother listening to a song. Two guys were rapping. I hadn't heard the song before, but it basically spoke about women the way most hiphop songs do. Like objects. "I like pussy. I like cunts, but I don't like women" one of them shouted. I was disgusted. It seems to be not more than normal to view women as nothing more but objects who have to listen to men, because, well men are superior, aren't they?

I'm not a feminist. I don't go around burning my bra, screaming how awful men are. Because I've met quite a few good men along the way. However, the thing that bothers me is that there is still a large majority of guys who think it is normal to treat women like they are of no importance. Like they are just there to please men. In the novel I have to write an essay about, there is one quote that particularly sparked my interest: “She does not own herself. Beauty does not own itself.” This is not just a quote from a book. It is sadly what some men perceive to be reality.

Whenever a girl walks down the street in a pretty dress and men whistle, she is supposed to feel honoured. She is supposed to feel good about the fact that she looks good enough to be whistled at. To be considered an object of desire. But how honourable is it to be whistled at by strangers, asked for sexual favours and more often than not, after you decline, being called stuck-up or a whore? Yes, everybody likes attention. Everybody likes to be considered pretty. It's fun to flirt. But that doesn't mean that a girl wants to flirt with every random guy on the street. It doesn't mean that a girl is appreciative of your sexual comments. It doesn't make someone feel better. It only makes them feel scared and insecure.

I remember when I was 19 and I was alone waiting for the train. A guy came up to me. He was my age and he started talking to me so we had a nice conversation. When the train came, he followed me and sat opposite me. At a sudden point he would start stroking my leg and I felt very uncomfortable about it. I was afraid to speak up because I was rather shy. He asked me if I wanted to come to his house to have sex. I politely declined. I had known this guy for half an hour and he already thought it was okay for him to ask me for sexual favours, just because he was in the mood for sex and I was the first vagina he spotted.

Women are sexualised in the media, that's a fact. And I think that it's okay for women to use their sexuality to a certain extend. There is nothing wrong with nudity as long as it is tasteful. There is no shame in the female body. But how often do we see half-naked men on Page Three? How often are men called manwhores for having sex with a lot of different girls? Women are sluts the moment they enjoy their sexuality and sleep with more than one guy. Why is a man a hero when he slept with 5 girls in one weekend? 

Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, even Beyonce who is seen as the rolemodel for female empowerment show themselves as sexual objects in their music videos. It's fine when you want to show the world that you are comfortable in your skin, but the fact that the ladies perform all kinds of sexual acts in the video, while the men are usually just watching it happen is strange.

In her latest video, Jennifer Lopez turned the tables around and had hot half-naked men perform the role of video hoes. And what strikes me most is that a lot of people were actually surprised by the video. As if men can't be objects of desire. As if us girls can't lust after a guy without being called a whore.

When girls get raped, there are people who dare to say that it is the girl's fault. That if she hadn't dressed 'provocatively' it wouldn't have happened. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with clothes. It has to do with values. It has to do with respect. It seems that we live in a world in which boys are taught that women are inferior, whether by their environment or by what they see in the media. Instead of blaming girls for being put in the position of lust object, we should teach boys that you treat a woman with respect. That you do not touch her if she does not want you to touch her. That you do not go up to a strange girl to ask her for sex and call her names if she doesn't comply. Because men don't own women. We don't wear a sign around our necks that says I'M A WHORE, USE ME AS YOU PLEASE. 

Sex is a great thing and it is a powerful thing. It's great when two people are in love and make love. But it has to always be consensual and all the parties involved have to be respected. I fear we still have a long way to go before we're truly equal. Until that time, dear media, instead of just throwing boobs in our faces all the time, at least show up some penis action too. You know, for equality.

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The Victory of the Bearded Lady

Yesterday was the Eurovision song contest as you inevitably must have heard. Unless you're not from Europe, then you have an excuse to not know whaddup. Anyways, those who follow me on twitter could read my fantastic live report as I was tweeting whilst watching the show. The sport of it all is too be witty and entertaining. Being a bit bitchy is allowed as long as you don't make it personal.

Yesterday was the final and it was more than just entertainment. Of course, we all installed ourselves in front of the television with our laptops and phone in hand, ready to share every thought on social media. But this year the Eurovision wasn't just about who wore the best/worst dress or had the weirdest act. This year the world outside of the Eurovision bubble managed to invade and it was magical. The Eurovision Song Contest has always been about politics, neighbours voting for each other etc. It had little to do with music and more to do with extravagence. But this year, Austria entered the lady with the beard, Conchita Wurst. To some it might have been a witty act to garner attention, but to many others, including myself, it was a statement. A statement of being who you are and nobody who can touch you.

Ever since the semi-finals, Conchita has been my favourite and the favourite of many others. She did not just perform an act but she was honestly amazing. Her voice sounded phenomenal and the song was truly empowering. It was no surprise that she went through to the final and eventually won it.

The final was entertaining, although most acts were exactly like they had been in the semi-finals, with the additional countries which go through automatically for paying most money to finance to whole thing. Nobody was impressed until Conchita took the stage and owned the show. Social media went wild. It was a done deal.

Why yesterday was a statement? Well, because of the current political situation in Russia mostly. Russia, Belarus, Azerbeijan, they all wanted to ban her performance and when that failed, they aimed to not air her performance in their countries. Outrageous.
But hate doesn't win. It never does. And Europe showed that yesterday. The large majority of Europe united in their support for the bearded lady and Austria got vote after vote after vote. What's more is that at the mention of Russia alone, the crowd would start booing, the people on twitter started booing and we all brought Conchita her victory and with her victory, we brought ours as well. Because only if we fight together, we can fight intolerance and increase acceptance. I felt sorry for the Russian twins who had to endure the boo'ing, but it wasn't aimed at them and it wasn't aimed at all the people of Russia. I know enough Russians who have no problem with gays or people who are different. It was mainly aimed at Putin and the politicians who support his conduct.

After the final, a Russian politician posted: "There's no limit to our outrage. It's the end of Europe. It has turned wild. They don't have men and women any more. They have 'it'." But it is not the end of Europe. It is the beginning. Because regardless of our differences, we all agree that everybody should be able to live their life the way they want it to. To look the way they want to look without being insulted. To love who they want to, without being condemned. And that is a victory and there is no man whose hunger for power can stop that.

So congratulations Conchita. Congratulations to my own country for coming in second (hey it's been a while) and congratulations to Europe. We're one step closer to acceptance.

Short story - Destiny

I haven't posted any writings I've done here in quite a while and as I'm working on a bigger story right now, I thought it would be nice to share a little short story with you today which fits the theme of the other one. I like to stay in that same kind of mood. I hope you'll like it and I promise I will try to write more. Ugh, life that gets in the way. So annoying.

Anyway. Here it is. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Sometimes I wonder if you can hear my voice travel through the layers of time. You didn’t want to go, I could tell by the way you looked at me. By the way your voice broke when you said the words. When you told me that you loved me. I was there. I held your hand and I kissed your lips and I whispered sweet nothings in your ear, hoping that it would make it all the more bearable. “I’ll see you on the other side,” I said and a faint smile appeared on your lips. But I knew you didn’t believe me. I knew it was the end and so did you.

I rested my head on your shoulder. You were already cold and distant. I never realised how much I truly cared for you until that moment. Until I was losing you. I held you close. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that you weren’t the person you used to be. The one I gave my heart to. All that mattered was that we were here. Together. Until the last breath. “Don’t give up on me,” you said and I replied that I wouldn’t. I sang you a sad song. I sang you a happy song. I sang a song about missing you. But I never sang a song about forgetting you. How could I? You were a part of me.

I saw you staring in the distance. Your eyes looked a thousand worlds away. I gave way to tears as I held your hand for the last time. I saw you smiling. A smile of an angel. A cold evening, a lonely morning.

And I stayed by your side. Until the sun faded and the moonlight was nothing but a memory. I stayed by your side. Until my skin was wrinkly and old, my hair white and my body fragile. I stayed by your side until my heart stopped beating. Until we were one. We erased the times we lost each other. We cherished the moments we shared. You lived within me, so we never had to say goodbye.

It was...destiny.

Justin Timberlake 20/20 Experience Tour

I haven't posted here for aaaages. I guess I was just lazy. But yesterday I was fortunate enough to go to Justin Timberlake's gig in Arnhem and I really have the urge to share my thoughts with you.

I was 12 when I went to my first gig and well, it happened to be Justin Timberlake in the exact same venue. Back then I was seated in the back and I was just amazed at how huge the arena was. I can't really remember anything about the concert itself as it was too long ago, but when I read that JT was coming back 10 years later to the exact same venue, I just knew I had to go. Back then he was about 23 years old and now, I am that age. It's a funny thing.

 In the past ten years I have gotten quite a lot of concert experience, from small venues to huge arenas. I think every venue has a certain charm to it, but I like big shows when they have these great massive productions. I had heard I was not going to be disappointed when it came to that. The venue did not look as huge as it did when I was 12, but I am still amazed by the enormous amount of different people going to these shows. There were a large amount of wannabe hipsters, teenagers, fashionista's and everything in between. I did feel a little old when my cousin and I did our white girl dance moves and 14 year old were throwing us these "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" looks.

 

At exactly 20.30, the countdown started. It was the first time I went to a concert which started exactly at the time it was supposed to start. And for a moment I felt like this 12-year old girl again. We were in the back yet again but right in the middle so we could see the entire stage. We got up and danced and did not stop dancing until the very end of the show. It was just the right mix of old songs and new and some really great covers. Justin's voice was on top form and his dance moves smooth. And the band, oh my, the band were impeccable. I thought it was great that Justin introduced them as JT & The Tennessee Kids, instead of just taking the limelight for himself. But really. Wow. I have rarely seen such amazing musicians play live. 

I read a tweet saying that the show was just a little too well-rehearsed as if it was a negative thing. With smaller gigs I really like spontaneous moments, but with a huge production like this, if something goes wrong it can only be distracting which is confusing for everybody on stage. Yes, ever move was thought-out, but in the best way possible.

My personal highlight was my favourite song Mirrors, as the final song. The fact that an entire stadium sang along those words gave me goosebumps. I don't know why, I'm just a sucker for these moments.

Here's the moment. Note this is not my video.

I was sad that it ended. I could have gone another few hours and I am a bit sad that I can't make it to the Amsterdam show. Back when I was 12 I was a big JT fan but I kind of lost that when he decided to become an actor. After last night, that feeling is back again. Nothing can beat a great performance with amazing music.

If you have the chance, buy tickets to see one of his shows. I promise you won't regret it.

Spirited Away

Considering the fact that I've had a lot of spare time lately, I am finally watching films which I've always wanted to see but never got around to watch. One of those films was the anime Spirited Away. I was told the film was fantastic so I was rather curious about whether it really was or not. I'm quite a fan of animation films, especially when they are well made and have a good plot. Nowadays there are quite a lot of 3D animation films, which are really great, but I do prefer 2D animation, especially when it is hand-drawn. Perhaps that's because I've been traumatised as a child by the Lion King and that always kind of stuck with me. I mean, who did not bawl their eyeballs out during this scene?

Anyway, I digress. Spirited Away. A film made by Hayao Miyazaki, apparently a living legend when it comes to anime. I am the first to admit that before watching this film, I didn't know that much about the genre. I was a big Pokemon fan, I had watched a few episodes Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z, but this kind of anime was of a whole different kind.

I stole this summary from IMDB:

Chihiro and her parents are moving to a small Japanese town in the countryside, much to Chihiro's dismay. On the way to their new home, Chihiro's father makes a wrong turn and drives down a lonely one-lane road which dead-ends in front of a tunnel. Her parents decide to stop the car and explore the area. They go through the tunnel and find an abandoned amusement park on the other side, with its own little town. When her parents see a restaurant with great-smelling food but no staff, they decide to eat and pay later. However, Chihiro refuses to eat and decides to explore the theme park a bit more. She meets a boy named Haku who tells her that Chihiro and her parents are in danger, and they must leave immediately She runs to the restaurant and finds that her parents have turned into pigs. In addition, the theme park turns out to be a town inhabited by demons, spirits, and evil gods. At the center of the town is a bathhouse where these creatures go to relax. The owner of the bathhouse is the evil witch Yubaba, who is intent on keeping all trespassers as captive workers, including Chihiro. Chihiro must rely on Haku to save her parents in hopes of returning to their world.

 I was pretty hardcore and watched the film in Japanese with subtitles. The fact that I only did that because I couldn't find an English version is not important.
The film does live up to the hype around it. It is different than animation films in the western world in which it is more important to have an action packed feature than it is to have a good story. Spirited Away was started a bit slow, but it doesn't matter because it was drawn so well that just the magic of the animation was enough to catch your attention. The whole film exudes this kind of magic, and it seems like only the Japanese have mastered this skill. I am someone who loves dark Fairy Tales, so for me this was the perfect film.


It has a really good story. I often feel like animation films don't have strong plots because that seems to be less important than good techniques used, but this is not the case with this film. It is not a standard: "and they lived happily ever after" tale. Some moments in the film are actually rather scary, considering the film is aimed at children. I admire the fact that the main character is a kick-ass girl. In many films, girls are being put in the damsel in distress box, but that was not the case in this film. It reminds me a bit of Coraline.

Unfortunately the maker of the film (and many other animation films which I now want to see) is retiring. It is a shame because there are only few people left who hand-draw films, simply because it's not interesting to do so anymore commercially speaking. Apart from that it is of course a lot of work to create a film like this.

If you love animation and have a rich imagination, Spirited Away is definitely a film for you. As for me, I already put a new film on my to-watch list:

Goodbye Flappy Bird

Dear Flappy Bird,

I got to know you on a pretty average Friday afternoon. I had heard you were quite popular, so it was only a matter of time before I would install you on my phone. I had heard stories about you. I was told you were the reason for a lot of frustration. I did not believe it. I knew that you and I, we would be different. I was convinced of it. Flappy Bird, despite the fact you more resemble a fish with blown-up lips, I knew that we had a special bond. We were going to show the world that you weren't as bad as they portrayed you to be.

 

Flappy Bird, how could I have been so blind? For just a second you reminded me of the good old days in which I played Super Mario on my Gameboy. I was incredibly good at it. But the nostalgia soon disappeared the moment I could not get you through more than 1 tube. I did not give up. Giving up is for losers. So I wasted hours of my precious time on you. And after all that time my highscore was just 26. And that was just luck. Soon I was so frustrated and angry that it was impossible for me to think straight. This was my response whenever you fell down again:

 

Dear Flappy bird. I removed you out of anger. I couldn't handle it anymore. I thought our relationship would be different. I thought you were going to make me feel that I could make a difference. That I was the only one who could get you through those damned tubes. 

And now you're gone Flappy. Your creator couldn't deal with it any more eiter. I don't think he could beat my highscore and that says a lot. Flappy, you ruined the lives of many. It's time you learn that you were not meant to fly. Stay on the ground and bite the dust. Our relationship is over. I don't ever want to see you again. It was frustrating enough for as long as it lasted.

You did give me inspiration for Valentine's day:

Love,

Ingrid

Broken hearts don't ease the pain

It's the middle of the night and I can't seem to make myself fall asleep. I guess it's true what they say, a heart can really be broken. It's the first time I've ever experienced it this badly and I hate myself for allowing someone else to hurt me this much, because I had lowered my defenses and thought it was save to let him in. It wasn't.

I have been in love before. It didn't mean much and after I sent this long ass email explaining exactly how I felt, I never got a reply. And it hurt. And I moved on. It took a while for me to open up again and I did and I ended up getting hurt once again. So I told myself I wouldn't let my guard down until I was absolutely sure I was save. I thought I was now. I was wrong.

And it's not that I blame him. You can't force things to work out. I blame him only for not letting me know before I fell. For giving me hope.

This quote from Neil Gaiman's Sandman describes how I feel now perfectly:

I will be fine eventually. I will put up my walls again and won't let them fall down anytime soon. And I hope my heart will stop beating this fast soon. It's annoying.

Now I will try to get some sleep.