Broken hearts don't ease the pain

It's the middle of the night and I can't seem to make myself fall asleep. I guess it's true what they say, a heart can really be broken. It's the first time I've ever experienced it this badly and I hate myself for allowing someone else to hurt me this much, because I had lowered my defenses and thought it was save to let him in. It wasn't.

I have been in love before. It didn't mean much and after I sent this long ass email explaining exactly how I felt, I never got a reply. And it hurt. And I moved on. It took a while for me to open up again and I did and I ended up getting hurt once again. So I told myself I wouldn't let my guard down until I was absolutely sure I was save. I thought I was now. I was wrong.

And it's not that I blame him. You can't force things to work out. I blame him only for not letting me know before I fell. For giving me hope.

This quote from Neil Gaiman's Sandman describes how I feel now perfectly:

I will be fine eventually. I will put up my walls again and won't let them fall down anytime soon. And I hope my heart will stop beating this fast soon. It's annoying.

Now I will try to get some sleep.