Dear Taylor Swift,

I have just heard your new song, 22, and I feel like something's missing. I know, I know. You have made a lot of money out of being the perfect daughter-in-law, but honey, it's time to spice up your life! There comes a time when your 10-year old fans will no longer fall for the sad break up songs. They will get drunk in the clubs while being naked and shagging 6 strangers all at once. It happens. So, Taytay, because I am such a good person, I have already written you a new song. No worries, it involves all your exes. You're welcome to use this, but I do expect royalties. Let's become partners in crime!

Idea behind this song is the fact that Taylor seems to be very unlucky in relationships. I figured men like food. That's why it should be a song about food. God I'm a fucking genius.

Without further ado, my song written for Taylor Swift, called My Hotdog.

My Hotdog

It's getting late
My tears have dried
I feel pretty rowdy
Wanna party tonight?
Got your number in my phone
But texting you ain't my Style
Gonna get me a sugardaddy
'Cuz he ain't fertile

And I'm so so happy
So so happy
Gonna party with Jackie D.
Yeah

Chorus

Baby let's snog
I want your hotdog
I want a bite of your tasty
Why you so hasty?

Woaaah woooah oh oh
We just got here.
Woaaah woooaah oh oh
It's in the atmosphere.

Eat this shit John Mayer
Now I'm the biggest player
You can wait on the world to change
But you're within my rocket range
Miley said she couldn't be tamed
But the title of baddest bitch is claimed
It's me-e, Swift to the T.
And it's an added bonus
If I can smash the guitar of a Jonas.

Chorus

Baby let's snog
I want your hotdog
I want a bite of your tasty
Why you so hasty?

Woaaah woooah oh oh
We just got here.
Woaaah woooaah oh oh
It's in the atmosphere.

Oh oh oh oh
No werewolf as wild as me
I wish Twilight books
Could go back to being trees
Oh oh oh oh

Chorus: 
 
Baby let's snog
I want your hotdog
I want a bite of your tasty
Why you so hasty?

Woaaah woooah oh oh
We just got here.
Woaaah woooaah oh oh
It's in the atmosphere.

Gimme your hotdog
Gimme your hotdog
Clear the smog
I want your hotdog
Like that!