Decisions

Everyone who knows me well, knows that I am easily stressed out about things which may not seem really important. I wish I had inherited the calmness my father has, to deal with all kinds of situations that don't seem to matter.

I recently had a very severe panic attack. It ended with me hyperventilating until the point that I thought I was dying. Not cool, you guys! All because of stress. Stress of having to do many things at the same time. Stress of having to live up to expectations I couldn't live up to. Stress of not being able to be myself because of other people's ideas of how everyone in a group should behave.

I'm done with that now. I've decided to choose myself for a change. So I am not going to finish my degree this year but will take an extra 6 months. I have decided not to live up to any expectations others have of me. I have expectations of myself which I will try to leave up to, but if I don't live up to expectations of others, that's their problem, not mine. And most of all, I've decided not to conform to any group dynamics I do not agree with. It has caused me to be stalked in the past. Called names by random people on the internet. I've decided not to care anymore. I've decided that if I have something to say, I will say it. I've decided that I'm not going to tiptoe around the truth, afraid to hurt someone's feelings, even though nobody should feel hurt. And when I'm wrong, I won't be afraid to admit that I am wrong.

I have been sleeping much better after deciding this. I've distanced myself from the things that caused me stress. It's already making me feel much happier than I used to be. Contrary to what I used to believe, I don't have to explain myself to anonymous profile pictures on social media.

I feel free now.

8 years old and sentenced to death

Magazines are read for entertainment. I read quite a lot of magazines when I want to relax and not think about anything. Yet sometimes you read articles that touch you, make you think about your own life and the way you live it. Today I read one of those articles. It was about cancer. A sad subject. The most horrible disease in this world. Especially when the patients are children.

The youngest child was 8. She said she had cancer ever since she was 4, so half of her life. The oldest was 13. I had a heavy heart reading this article, because it is not something that should happen to young children. They should live a carefree life in which their only worry is who to play with after school or what's for dinner that night.

Included in the article were large pictures of the children. I didn't see sad and frail human beings. I saw children with courage and bravery in their eyes. Who didn't see themselves the way the world saw them; lost causes.
It was so inspiring to read a little girl's only concern not being her health, but the fact that her teddy bear felt uncomfortable in the hospital. A true fighter. And this boy, whose mother just heard that he is incurable. "You are going to die. Didn't you hear what I said?" His mother cried. He said: "I heard you. Would you please stop pushing it?" He then said he was just having fun in life until it stops.
Another girl's dad told her she might die, but she said she's okay with that because it would mean she would be reunited with her beloved pet in heaven. It is all so confronting. Here I am worried and stressing about the little things in life while there are children out there fighting for their lives when they shouldn't have to.

I think a lot of adults could learn from these children. Whenever life doesn't treat us well, we tend to get depressed and give up. These children don't give up. Most importantly, they are not afraid of death. They see it as a new adventure.

I remember vividly when a classmate I used to hang out with in high school. One day he was very pale and extremely tired. Not long after he visited the doctor, he was diagnosed with leukemia. He never gave up. He got better. He was allowed to go home. Then he got the flu, but his immune system wasn't strong enough to fight it. He got into a coma and died on Christmas eve.
Hundreds of people gathered for his funeral. As I was standing there in the back of the church, I remember thinking that all these people shouldn't have been there that day. He shouldn't have been in that coffin. He was far too young to go. He should've just come to school the next day and tease me like he always did. Get on my nerves, tell fantastical stories, dress up like a pirate on Pirate's day. But he was gone. It was unfair.

Cancer. It's something you don't even want to happen to your worst enemy. It tears families apart. It shatters hopes and dreams. I get insanely angry when I see someone use cancer as a swear word. It's not. It's serious. But instead of fearing it, we should continue to fight it. Not only for the sake of these children, but for the sake of everybody who suffers from it. We should take these kids as an example, be brave and eliminate this terrible disease.

Let the light in: PRISM!

So, today I want to talk to you about an amazing event in the history of music. The release of PRISM by Katy Perry. Yes, I know, I'm biased, but if you want to listen to good music with a message, this is the cd you need.

Katy is huge. After Teenage Dream everybody wondered if she could top herself. And she did. Prism is a commercial success already. Reviews are not all positive, but then again, what do music critics know? Music is about the feeling it brings across so all those technical terms blabla are not important.

I read a review which said that Prism contains too many poetic lyrics and Katy couldn't pull this off. I beg to differ. In today's day and age we are used to mindless pop music about sex and partying. We are scared off by songs with actual meaning and lyrics which speak to us and confront us with our own lives. Katy and her team of writers have written some wonderful lyrics which have actual meaning. They speak from the heart. Some of the songs are about her relationship with Russell Brand, and I find that those touch me the most because they appear so sincere. Especially By The Grace Of God and Ghost are beautiful in that sense.

Of course, not all the songs are deep. Birthday, This is how we do and International Smile are rather superficial but there's nothing wrong with that. As long as it's not a complete album filled with mindless tracks, it's all good.

I love Prism. I don't equally love every song as much. I find myself skipping International Smile and Birthday at times but that's just because they don't appeal to me as much. It's all a matter of taste. I think Prism shows Katy's evolution as an artist and as a person even more so than Teenage Dream did. I know some fans want the One Of The Boys era back, but honestly, pop is what Katy does best and I'm excited to see what the future will bring for her.

Fright Nights

I haven't blogged in agessss! I promise I will post something worthy soon. For now, here's a video of the Fright Nights I went to:

Bangerz

Let's be honest, we all have an opinion on Miley Cyrus. And well, she does one thing right; everybody is talking about her. I personally am getting a bit tired of the gimmicks. I wasn't shocked about her walking around half naked. A body is a body and for all I care, she goes grocery shopping without clothes on. I just feel like her attempts at shedding the Hannah Montana image are a bit too desperate. It feels as though she's trying too hard to be gangster. Instead of it all being an effortless process, it seems as though every 'shocking' thing she does is too calculated and too focused on being controversial.

However, in the end it's all about the music. At least it is for me. I can like an artist but I won't give two shits if their music isn't my taste. I wasn't particularly fond of We Can't Stop, although I did find myself humming the chorus at times. Wrecking Ball took some time getting used to. I think it's an okay song. I refuse to watch the video though. Not because she's naked and sexually assaulting sledge hammers, but because it was directed by Terry Richardson, a notorious pervert who exploits young models sent to him. I don't feel like supporting anything like that. Plus, watching the video made me feel a bit dirty.

Anyways, as I think the music should speak for itself, I decided to give Bangerz a listen. I went into it completely without judgement. Unfortunately, I couldn't finish listening to it. To be fair, some of the beats were okay, but most of the time it had all been done before but 10 times better. It wasn't an unpredictable album. Basically, every song was either about heartbreak or partying, getting money and sex. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as it's done well. Justin Timberlake's 2006 album Futuresex/Lovesounds was basically all about sex but it was original and well-thought out. Bangerz is not. It goes from one heartbreak song, to a party song to another heartbreak song. The lyrics are hardly original and quite confusing at times. From all the songs I've listened to, I think Wrecking ball was musically and lyrically the best song on the album.
That doesn't mean I didn't like some of the tracks. I thought the sampling of Stand by me on my darling was quite well done and entertaining. Her country song ft. Nelly 4x4 was good and surprising. But for me personally, those were the only highlights on the track.

I don't think Bangerz will be a classic as Miley hopes it will be. For those who like this kind of music and Miley's voice in particular, I'm sure this album will be great. I was expecting a little more, especially since Pharrell Williams was involved in this album. Unfortunately he couldn't give her the perfect song which would mark her transition from childstar to serious popstar (like I'm a slave 4 u did for Britney).

I hope for Miley that she will evolve some more and find a way to be herself without having to constantly do something controversial. It's getting tiring at a certain point. Yes, we've all seen boobs before. The shock factor is gone. She needs to have more tricks upon her sleeve in order to keep the momentum going. I hope these tricks will include some seriously amazing and surprising music in the future.

Katy Perry owns the throne.

A little more than 5 years ago, in April 2008, I discovered a girl on MySpace who had a great song named Ur So Gay. Her name was Katy Perry. I was intrigued by her music. I watched vlogs she posted online and fell in love with her personality. She was a little goofy, she did not take life too seriously and I had a good feeling about her. So I sent her a couple of messages on Myspace and I got some back. In one of those messages I asked her when she would come to Europe. She said she was first going to conquer the US and then the rest of the world. I knew at that point that I had to stick around.

Fast forward to 2013. After blowing up with I Kissed A Girl and then becoming even bigger with the Teenage Dream era, she is now about to release her third album. Her first single of the new album already broke records and her promo single, which wasn't even released as an official single, is now number 1 as well. There is no stopping her. I'm not afraid to say that she could well be the best popstar in the world right now. She has the complete package and I don't see her success fading anytime soon.

Yesterday she performed in London at the Itunes festival. I wasn't able to go there, but I watched videos of the performance. And she just keeps getting better and better. She is no longer the young girl who stole our hearts. She's a lady, a real killer queen who owns our hearts now. Not literally of course because that would mean we'd be dead, but you catch my drift.

To all the critics who said she can't sing, to all of those who thought she was a one hit wonder, listen to this and see if you still have arguments to back up your claims:

I'm very proud of how far she has come. I hope that I will get to pleasure of meeting her again soon because it has been too long.

Only 3 weeks till Prism (at least in my country!). Ready to own the throne.

Ingie