Closer as sung by me

As promised, here is me attempting to sing the song I wrote. Please note my voice is not trained nor am I convinced that I am Mariah Carey. Just to show you where I was going with this.



Alright now from Ingrid Chant on Vimeo.

Scars of the past

Lately I've been thinking quite a lot about my secondary school years. Quite possibly the worst time of my existence. I do not often talk about this, but I have been badly bullied in my teenage years. It wasn't like the occasional bullying, but especially in my first year of secondary school I've been tormented, broken and bruised by a group of 'popular' kids who strongly disliked me just because I was different. I wasn't interested in boys back then, I wasn't into their kind of music. I refused to adjust to their norms. In return I was called fat and ugly. They would make my school years a living hell. They stalked me online (internet was still up and coming in those days) and threatened and bullied me via msn.

I copied those conversations and sent them to my teacher who did absolutely nothing to help me. Even when my biggest tormentor was kicked off school, things did not stop. Many classmates still called me fat and ugly and said I would never find anyone who would want to date me. They held bets and if they touched me, they would get cheered on, after which they pretended their hands were dirty. I got locked up in the bathroom. Even people who I considered to be friends let me down tremendously, just because they prefered to be associated with cool people.

I have always been a weirdo. A stranger. For a long time I couldn't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. If so many people said I was indeed ugly, then it must be true. What was I worth anyway?
I was lucky enough to find people who actually cared. I was fortunate enough to discover music which took me to other worlds and let me escape the everyday reality of my life. I was lucky enough to be able to fight and conquer my insecurities.
There are so many people who can't do. Every day so many teenagers are bullied to the extent that some do not see the light any more. For them there is only one solution. Death. Their cries for help have gone unnoticed. It has to change.

I saw the facebook profile of the guy who had bullied me most. I was disgusted. Just looking at his face brought back the pain he had inflicted on me. He probably doesn't even remember. He doesn't know that he gave me the scars that will never go away. It doesn't bother him. It doesn't hurt him. I was tempted to leave him a message wishing him hell. I didn't. I'm stronger now. I'm happy now. He means nothing to me anymore and I hope that one day he will just fade to be a distant memory.

There are not enough weirdoes in the world, and with weirdoes I do not mean those who are like fucking insane in a bad way. I mean those who dare to be different. Those who follow their hearts no matter if it takes them to a place different than the norm. Those who are unique, not necessarily in their looks, but also in their minds. Those who dare to fight for what they believe in. We must cherish the weirdoes, no matter what sets them apart. Later in my teenage years I found someone who helped me through difficult times and understood me the way I was, regardless of my complicated thoughts. I wish for everyone who is struggling with who they are or who they want to be to find a person like that.

Remember, always stay who you are. People might put obstacles in your way, but if you conquer these you will conquer everything. Just believe in yourself and never stop fighting.

Closer

This is a song I wrote about a week ago. Laterrzzz I will add a video of me attempting to sing it, so you can get where I'm going with this. For now, here are the lyrics. Let me know what you think!

I guess if it's al right now

I'll lay down and cry now

I see your face in my sleep

You're everywhere but here

I guess I must be a fool then

For falling in love again

You only make my heart bleed

And it's your touch I need to breathe

I can't stand it any longer

I just can't still the hunger

I need you close

I need you closer

I need you so

I need you so much it hurts

And it burns

Like all falls to pieces

And I'm standing on the front line

I have to do with the memory

of how it used to be

Trying to chase the stars away

Hoping you'd come back to me one day

I guess everything I do is in vain

Trying to make the sun shine in the rain

That's what you get with your heart on your sleeve

Just to foolish to believe

That we could be the king and queen of our castle

That we could rule the world and have it all.

I need you close

I need you closer

I need you so

I need you so much it hurts

And it burns

Like all falls to pieces

And I'm standing on the front line

Inspiring Person #3: Adam Lambert

Oh hey, here's another blog again. I know you've been dying to hear from me and I couldn't leave my darlings without another blog post, so here we go, another blog about an inspiring person. This time it will be about this man:

 So, I have to start off by saying I'm not an Adam fan in the typical definition of the word. I do not follow him around and I do not know every song by heart, but I have seen him live once and I was blown away by his performance. He is fierce, funny and damn he's got one hell of a voice. One of the most powerful male voices I've ever heard live. I'm very glad my dear friend Babz introduced me to his music.

I adore his music as it makes me feel damn good to dance to it. I think he specifically excels in the more upbeat songs. He makes you feel sexy and good about yourself no matter what you look like.

The reason why I think Adam is an inspiring person is not necessarily his music. It's his message. He is such a positive individual and I find it very interesting to read his tweets. He is accepting and intelligent and it shows in the way he speaks about being yourself and loving yourself. His look also shows he is not afraid to empower his message and embrace who he is, no matter if some people might consider it to be strange. I find it very important to be accepting and tolerant towards others, hence why I really admire Adam. He is a true role model and should be proud of all he's achieved.

As I mentioned I have seen him live once, in 2010 and it was fantastic. It was in my favourite venue Paradiso (such fond memories) and I did have a little moment with him, as I was dancing the way I usually do.

At about 2.42 you can see him pointing at me and saying: "It does feel like XTC with you girl!" And I have to say, people like Adam, and Mika and Katy and quite a few others are the reason why I feel free enough to dance like a maniac and have fun. The music has empowered me to be myself and most importantly, believe in myself. So thank you.

You should definitely check out Adam's albums: For Your Entertainment and Trespassing.

And one of his best songs:

Envy

I realised I haven't written any stories in ages and felt like I had to do something. So, I've decided to do a series on the Seven Deadly Sins. Expect a new story every week, if I remember that is. The first one is envy. Let me know what you think.

 Frozen

“I'm coming for you,” Levia whispered. Her slim and slender body slithered over the cold floor. Her eyes were a deep yellow, her skin a peculiar shade of green. She moved, carefully and silent, to her unknowing victim. She watched her from a distance. Aina. Her golden hair reaching her middle. Her skin as pale as as snowflakes. Her smile as bright as the Northern lights. Her beauty so divine it made hearts skip a beat. She had to go.

Aina hummed a gentle melody. One that could be heard and admired from a great distance. A song that could melt the hearts of a thousand men. Despicable. It had to perish.

She crept closer and closer, until she reached the fair lady, observing her from the back. The melody stopped. A deafening silence arose. A shift of the foot. A shrill shriek. Levia attacked. Their bodies entwined.

“Stop, please stop!” Aina screamed.

Levia had no mercy. Hatred filled every vein of her body.

“I have done you no wrong!” Her victim cried.

Levia laughed. A humourless, cold laugh.

“Done me no wrong?” She shouted, “You took everything from me. You were always the prettiest. The smartest. The bravest. I was nothing.”

Levia tightened her grip. Aina grasped for air, but struggled to stay conscious.

“Father loved you more. So did mother. So did every man who laid his eyes upon you. Not anymore. When you're gone, it will be my turn to shine. It will be my turn to be somebody.”

Levia's words stabbed her like a knife. Anger, an anger she had never felt before rushed through her blood. She fought back. She tried to remove her sister's arms from her neck, but to no avail.

“You're weak my darling. Soon you shall be gone and forgotten. Beauty fades and so will your memory,” Levia laughed.

Aina screamed. She struggled and managed to break the grip of her sister. She pushed Levia to the ground and looked at her with pity.

“Your heart is as hard as rock. You can't expect to receive love when you know no love,” Aina spoke.

She walked back slowly, and reached an old mirror.

“Please! No!” Levia shouted when she realised what her sister was planning to do.

“Begging me for mercy now? Pity comes too late.”

“Aina, please, my dear sister. I was wrong. I shall repent for my sins. Please, don't do this,” Levia begged.

“You shall indeed,” Aina spoke softly.

She removed the mirror from the wall and placed it in front of her sister. The desperate woman tried hard not to look at her reflection.

“Look at yourself Levia. You pitiful creature. Is this what you wanted to become?”

Levia glanced at her reflection in the mirror. It was not the girl she used to see. A vile and poisonous snake glared back at her, a tear falling from its eye.

“No. No,” Levia winced. She could feel her body getting colder. The life in her limbs slowly fading away. She could see her legs, body and arms freeze until her entire body was numb and nothing moved but her eyes.

“I shall have mercy this time,” Aina said. She grabbed a spear from the wall. It had only served a decorative purpose before. Not anymore.

She held the spear tightly in her tiny hands. Aina looked into her sibling's eyes and smiled compassionately.

“I wish it had been different,” she said.

And with those words she stabbed her sister in her heart. Levia's scream pierced through her body. She stepped back as Levia melted, as het desperate eyes cried for help and understanding one last time.

Levia was gone.

And with a deep sigh, Aina returned to her seat and stared at the world outside, watching life pass by.

It's a dog day

So last Sunday I was at the dog show with my gawjuss Rottiebaby Sonja. I'm not generally a show type of person and only go once every few years when there's a dog show in my city. I love dogs. Ever since I was 13 years old I've studied dog behaviour and at that age, when I was 13, I got books about dogs, instead of whatever 13 year old get these days. I was obsessed and I still am. That's also why I'm against breeding certain types of breeds like the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, because 100% of the population is ill. I just know, whatever breed or mix it will be, there will always be a dog or dogs in my life. Because life without dogs is no life at all. Anyways, I could type a whole essay about this, but you're probably not interested so I'll leave you with this video of my dog et moi.

  

In case you are interested:

I know I'm a lazy blogger...

...but I promise I will post a proper post tonight. Instead for now you'll have to do with this selection of pictures I took back in 2010 at gigs, when I actually still bothered taking pictures. These are my favourites in no particular order.

The Price

Many of you may or may not know that my favourite author is Neil Gaiman. I recently stumbled across this video, an animated version of his short story called The Price. It's a beautiful and haunting story and I think you should all see this video. Because I'm such a lovely person, I want to share it with you: