I don't like thunder. I especially don't like thunder at night, when I'm trying to get my well-deserved beauty sleep, but instead am being drilled out of bed by flashes of light and loud noises. Like last night. It felt like the apocalypse was coming. I feared that cockroaches at last had found a way to mutate themselves into massive monsters, showing off their clever technology with lots of shenanigans, before they would come and eat my brains. It could happen you know. Never trust a cockroach! That's what Fairly Odd Parents taught me.
Luckily, I'm not the only one who believes the end is near whenever there is just a little bit of thunder. Freddie Mercury was with me. I imagine him in his oversized London mansion, writing Bohemian Rhapsody, getting all emotional about mamas and not wanting to be born and shit, when suddenly hell breaks loose and thunder is coming down like a mofo.
After screaming for his mama oooeeeeh once again, who for the record was not at home at that time, he finally wrote the legendary line: Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening me. Then he gets into the whole Galileo business, which I think should have been changed to: Marco POLO, Marco POLO, Marco POLO, here we go! But then again, there's a reason I am not a successful songwriter, so I will let Freddie have this one.
Then he gets all emotional and pities himself before he starts talking about devils and stuff, while the thunder is still raging. Freddie was so sick of it, he jumped up, while Brian May jumped out of a random vase and starts jamming the guitar, while Freddie is all: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STONE ME AND SPIT IN MY EEEEEYEE! When he realises the thunder doesn't give a flying fuck, he realises he has to get out, and so he runs to an open field and lays down, because that is totally what my elementary school teacher told me to do whenever thunder was being a bitch.
There was a time when I was a little girl and completely obsessed with Pokemon. Whenever I saw thunder at that time, I believed it was Pikachu fighting Team Rocket, and I would watch it in fascination, while thinking: “You go Pikachu!”
That was of course before I knew thunder can actually kill you. Since I believe I am too young and awesome to die as of yet, I dislike thunder. And that's how it is people.
